Regardless of my good intentions (intentions so good in fact that I actually Googled to see if I could find any deep, heart destroying ballad lyrics to try inflict a little, you know, interest into this, but all I could find was a song by Dappy, so lets not) I haven’t written anything in 21 days.
I could lie, try to redeem myself by claiming: “Work is just MAD busy” “I’ve been out of the country with little access to civilisation” “The new book is ALMOST there”, but we all know the truth. I’m fundamentally lazy and easily uninspired.
So we’ll go with something which frequented my school reports: Must Try Harder
On Thursday there’s work to do, and the angry Eastern European guy to avoid at the gym. But after all this I find myself watching a repeat of the first of this series on Channel 5 which has Eamon and Ruth Holmes pretending they’re on the breadline, cash machine slaves like you and me, and seeing how the people we'll never meet really live. And as you'd expect it's all million dollar cars and billion dollar estates, loneliness, supermodels, alcoholism and lack of real purpose. Maybe. And I'm slowly losing interest in Eamon and Ruth as they shop for diamonds when this guy called Emin appears.
And Emin, a Wikipedia stalk tells us, is the son of Aras Agalarov and a two billion dollar inheritance. Simply put: he’s a big fucking deal. So with renewed interest, because Emin’s kinda attractive in a Westernised-son-of-an-oligarch / expensive watch / great clothes way, we watch Eamon ooh and aah at this ridiculously big house cracking jokes about needing an army of cleaners to upkeep it or something, we don’t really listen, and Emin is all “I’m never home” but not in a “I’m rich dude” way but in an almost sad “There’s just me in this bubble of privilege” kinda way. And just as we’re slowly falling in love with him he tells us he’s all alone because his ex-wife, the President of Azerbaijan’s daughter or something, up and left him and took his two boys out of his life but the world keeps turning and his music career helps him get by you know?
And I decide if things ever fall apart with me and Cody I will replace his warmth and affection with this hard line, cold Russian brutality. And I wouldn’t mind that all feel feeling would be replaced by hundred grand diamond watches and a secret existence because we're not really interested in being part of the family, we just want our cut of the money and the properties outside Moscow.
I listen to Boomerang by Emin 42 times to cement my affection